9. Set his computer so all his porn and poker sites go to GoArmy.com.
8. Invite your friends over to have a party in his room, trash it and smoke all of his dope.
7. Buy him a chauffeur's hat and start calling him "Jeeves".
6. Hack into his Facebook page and change his profile picture to a slug.
5. Say "I'm glad to have you home but I'm afraid dad might miss using your bed for 'our quickies' ".
4. Throw a bridal shower for his high school girlfriend on Super Bowl Sunday.
3. Decorate his old room as a nursery and say "Won't it be great to share your room with your new baby sister?"
2. Secretly sprinkle all the leftovers with Metamucil.
1. Ask him to stay home one evening and say "Dad's been awfully frisky lately and I'm worried about his heart. You don't mind listening in on the old baby monitor, do you?"
David & Veronica, GypsyNester.com
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